What We Were Told
When people get married, what do they say is the reason for the union? Love — that’s the answer 90% of the time. The concept of romantic love is a relatively recent idea, but it feels like it has always been this way if you grew up in modern society. At least in the Western world, a lot of the songs you hear are about love or romance. A lot of movies and TV shows perpetuate the idea of romantic love and people finding their perfect match — your soulmate, “the one.” A lot of social drama is centered on love and romance. A lot of reality TV and social entertainment is focused on finding love and romance. Have you ever heard of Love Island, Temptation Island, Marriage at First Sight, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Too Hot to Handle? Celebrity gossip about who is dating who? Like Kim Kardashian and Kylie Jenner dating Kanye West and Travis Scott? The concept of love and romantic relationships is so strong in Western society and so immersive that we don’t see relationships any other way.
I was the same way, but what if I told you that relationships nowadays still follow the same principle they did centuries ago? People get into relationships because they see value in other people. Relationships are formed when people actively exchange value with one another. Centuries ago, people got married because the value exchanged was financial and economic. People married for a better life and more money.
That same value exchange occurs today between people, but the exchange is emotional rather than purely economic.
What It Actually Is
The sad truth is that in today’s modern age, sexual relationships are initiated through emotional desire. And that emotional desire is tied to very superficial things. On the male side, the emotional desires are for good-looking, sexy, feminine women who give us sex. On the female side, the emotional desires range from good-looking, masculine men to wanting physical protection. They also want their hypergamous desires satisfied, so they tend to want a man who is a strong leader, has a good reputation, is popular, well-liked, and has achieved many things.
Have you ever met a man who said, “Damn, look at that intelligence. I want some of that”? Probably not.
The primary selection criteria for a man is a woman’s physical beauty. Personality does matter to men, but it takes second place. Without physical attraction, most men will not entertain the idea of dating or marriage.
Have you ever met a woman who dated a man shorter than her? Probably not.
The primary selection criteria for a woman is much harder to identify. This is because women are harder to satisfy due to their hypergamous desires. They want men better than them. Despite the overwhelming number of criteria that women care about when selecting men, it is still rooted in superficial emotional desires. This includes: high income, job stability, being successful, high social status, popularity, good public image, power and influence, good-looking, masculine, dominance, protection, leadership, confidence, and maturity.
At the end of the day, sexual relationships are not formed through lofty moral values such as loyalty, kindness, faith, honesty, respect, compassion, being a good person, patience, forgiveness, sense of justice, and fairness. These values are needed to stabilize and maintain the relationship long term, but they aren’t the reason why you got together. Most people pretend they got together for moral values, but that’s just the politically correct answer. There is a reason why people leave or cheat when their spouse does not satisfy their emotional desires anymore.
Most men feel like leaving their woman if she becomes less attractive. Most women feel like leaving their men if he is unsuccessful, lazy, or irresponsible.
Final Note
In case you need more proof, remember that sexual attraction is always based on physical appearance. You are not sexually attracted to personality or any other psychological trait. You are sexually attracted to how the person looks. Sexual relationships start when that physical component is satisfied. This is why I’m not sexually attracted to Elon Musk, who is one of the greatest entrepreneurs of our time, but I’m sexually attracted to a cute barista girl.
Here’s a great video that dives deeper into this.
